I finished my first year of University last month.
I had dealt with learning how to talk to people properly, the difficulties of understanding my place in the world as of now, meeting new people from different places, trying to open up to people, showing who I really am, learning how to handle situations that I thought weren’t so difficult, and nasty roommates. When I first moved four hours away from home I knew that I would enjoy more independence. I could buy the food I wanted while keeping a budget in mind, I could hang out with who I wanted, I could buy what I wanted without someone telling me that they don’t approve of it, I could go exploring by myself without someone worrying constantly about where I am, and I could set up my own schedule day by day. I still fully enjoy these blessings and privileges that I was given still today, but the journey to this point in time wasn’t without any obstacles.
My first obstacle after moving was financial aid. I was chosen to have extra papers verified so when everyone else around me was so happy about getting money to pay for college I was stuck at home trying to limit what I ate and bought just in case I wasn’t awarded any aid. I spent a week not eating right at all and worrying myself so much that I had migraines everyday and panic attacks.
Now that I’ve dealt with financial aid before I understand that I need to be patient and that worrying about what bad things could happen in the future isn’t good at all for my health.
The second obstacle was learning how to talk to city people properly. I am from a tiny town in the country but my neighborhood is what you would call ghetto. The only people I talked to everyday were my parents, relatives, and students from school (including my friends). They were all from the same place that I was so we all had strong country accents, talked in slurs, used slang too much, didn’t speak full sentences, and made fun of each other a lot. It was okay and perfectly normal back at home, but when I moved up North I noticed that there was a huge difference in the way that I spoke and the way that city people spoke. I basically just sounded dumb and lazy when I spoke so I tried not talking to people and when I did I tried really hard to use a city accent and enunciate each word I was saying slowly and without an attitude so that I could be understood.
Now that I’ve spent a year here, my friends want to hear me speak in my country/ghetto accent and they think it’s cute when I do. The people back at home think that I sound like a “white girl” when I speak to them on the phone or visit them for the first time in a while. I’m proud of myself for learning how to talk to different types of people without losing my accent.
I live with three random girls in a four bedroom student living apartment near campus. When we first met we were all on good terms, but as time passed by what I assumed would come true did. I didn’t want to live with all girls because if you stick multiple girls together in one place for too long they will turn on each other. I’m not the type of girl to do that because I just lack the care to start-up drama but my roommates are basic girls so I had to deal with their episodes. It started out with my fat/creepy roommate, annoying roommate, used-to-be-cool roommate and I. Now it’s my fat/creepy roommate, roommate that I had hope in, new roommate, and I. They’ve done so many hypocritical things to me that I can’t list them all, but two that I will say is that they locked me out of the house without trying to talk to me first and they filed a police report on me. I did nothing at all to these girls but try to take care of myself and stay out of their way but they find it easier to blame me for everything or they have no lives and want to mess with mine.
I’m moving out as soon as possible.
These are a few of the major obstacles that I’ve had to overcome during my first year at university, but they all boil down to an epiphany that I had not too long ago as I was driving back home.
I need to trust myself.
That’s what I needed to learn and repeat everyday. If I don’t trust myself then how am I supposed to take care of myself? I can’t ask help for every obstacle that I hit in life as I start living on my own. I can’t bother people that I know everyday about matters that can be taken care of by myself. I need to trust that I will make the best decision for myself and if I don’t make the best decision then I should trust that I will learn something out of making that bad decision. If I don’t trust myself then I can’t stimulate myself to do the things that I need or want to do. I want to dye my hair. Do I need to ask someone else to see if they approve or does it only matter if I approve of dying my hair? I want to study abroad. Do I need to ask someone else if it’s okay that I do or do I need to feel comfortable studying in a different country?
When I was in junior high and high school I did some crazy rebellious things because I could trust that my parents and family would back me up 100% on the spot. Now that I’m living on my own (partially) I have to venture out and do things with a stable head on my shoulders and trust that I will choose what is right for me. I can’t rely on other people as much any longer. They all have their own battles to face everyday as well as I do and they can’t give someone else’s life full attention while they try to live theirs. I need to take my life into my own hands, trust myself, and rely less on other people that can disappoint me easily.