“You Can’t Go Around Judging People”

I was talking to my aunt this past week about life and anything and everything when I said something like “My male professors make me uncomfortable because I don’t trust them.” She told me something that really stuck with me and that people have been telling me since I started college:

I’ve been told this by one person or another countless amounts of times, but I found it impossible to do. People always judge people. It’s an inevitable part of life. Whether you subconsciously or consciously do it, you are doing it and it’s hard to stop.

When you first see a person you judge them on how they look. Don’t stop here and try to convince yourself that you don’t do that. It doesn’t make you a bad person because everyone does it and it’s really hard to stop. Let’s say that you are a girl and a guy approaches you with a smile. You immediately think “What does he want from me?” either subconsciously or consciously in that wording or not, you do something similar to it. You don’t just look at a person and you’re mind goes blank. Your mind creates 60,000 thoughts a day, do you really think that meeting someone new is an exception?

I think that what my aunt was trying to say is that I can’t go around badly judging people. I can’t meet someone new or talk to someone for the first time and automatically assume that they can only bring me bad things. Of course there is the potential of that happening, but I have to keep a positive mind-set. I can’t just throw everyone out of my life without giving them a chance, but I also have to be careful. Being careful shouldn’t make me paranoid either. I just have to know when a person is a bad influence or not needed in my life, and the only way to successfully do that is to meet all kinds of people. I just need practice.

I’ve always heard from my loved ones and those who teach me that I need to “make connections” and “start networking” to get on the right path for my career, but I always found an excuse not to do that. I always thought that if everyone knew that they were out to make connections in my field of study wouldn’t they resent those who were over friendly and tried to pry themselves into their lives? I just didn’t see the point in trying to meet people who were so busy with their other connections and had no time for someone who is just starting to learn the tools of the trade.

Now since I’ve finally let this piece of advice actually absorb into my brain I can see the potential that creating connections with strangers has. I think that everyone is in the same boat. We are all afraid of rejection, we all have to gather courage from somewhere to talk to a stranger, we are all afraid of the negative outcomes of creating a bond with a new person, and we all want something good to come out of this. It sounds really simple and like I shouldn’t be elaborating too much on this, but this is like an epiphany to me.

There were 2 things that confused me that pertain to this topic:

Having so many friends and weeding out the bad ones over time.
I follow Jenn Im from ClothesEncounters on YouTube and watched one of her interviews. In that interview she said something along the lines of “weeding out the bad ones” when dealing with people and friends. Now Jenn is a very friendly type of girl and I could understand why she would have experience with weeding people out, but what I didn’t understand was why she wanted to go through the trouble of weeding people out. If she were like the old me then she wouldn’t bother with people if they looked like a bad influence or like they weren’t good for me. But I realized that she’s the type of person that doesn’t judge someone out of the first few minutes that she meets them. She gives them a chance and knows that everyone has the potential to be a very good friend and that they can give her inspiration or some other happy emotion. She doesn’t walk away immediately because they look bad or useless. She keeps giving them a chance.

I knew the potential that people could have. I always said that a person’s first impression shouldn’t be the thing that either creates or destroys a relationship. People are more than skin deep and a lot of people out there aren’t willing to show their deepest emotions or they can’t get comfortable with someone within a few minutes. It’s not like you can expect them to give you a book of the future of y’alls relationship and it’ll tell you either if the person is worth the time or not. You have to give them a chance and figure that out yourself, and along that journey you’ll probably find out something about yourself too. You don’t know what that person might have to offer even if they look creepy at first. You have to give them a chance because you could be missing out on something great.

Weeding out the bad people is all in the process. Hopefully you meet more good people than bad and your judgement gets better after each person you meet. Holding negative influences in your life is obviously not good for you and when you start meeting a ton of people and getting to know them then your judgement will get better and you’ll be able to weed out the bad better than before.

Why more boys don’t approach girls first with confidence.

I’m a freaking romantic, I believe in chivalry, and I think that “a man should be a man”. So when I see boys around my age that are too shy to go up to a girl even to just say hello I get severely disappointed. This is related to the topic because the guy is obviously scared of being rejected by the girl. Even if it’s just to say hi a guy knows that the girl could be spiteful, rude, or just ignore him on the spot, and if it happens in public it could really take a blow to their confidence. The guy judges the girl they see before them as someone they’re interested in, but they also judge her in that she has more potential to blow him off than be friendly towards him. That’s what keeps most guys from speaking a word to the girl they are interested in. They negatively judge her character then negatively judge themselves. They don’t give it a chance and they could have possibly missed out on the best thing that could have happened to them. They may as well have gotten rejected by the girl and that’s not a bad thing. If that happens then they know that they weren’t meant to have a relationship with that person, and that’s just as good as weeding out the bad or negative people in their life. They can’t just not give every girl they are interested in a try. The same goes for girls. You have to give yourself the confidence to say hi to whomever you want to and give yourself the positive thoughts that something amazing could happen from that approach.

So what I’m basically trying to say is (wow don’t you hate it when writers do this at the end of their rant? It’s like you could have just skipped to this part.) that you can’t completely erase the negative thoughts from coming into your mind when you meet people. You can’t always stop the fleeting thoughts of “Oh this man looks like a creeper.” or “This guy will never give me a chance.” etc., but you can fill your mind with positive thoughts. After those fleeting negative thoughts that are trying to keep you from expanding your mind, interests, and experiences pass through your head immediately start thinking in the opposite direction. Instead of “Oh this man looks like a creeper.” think “This guy looks shy and friendly maybe I should say hi to him and make his day.” Instead of thinking “This guy will never give me a chance.” think “This guy may look intimidating on the outside but he probably has a soft heart. I should say hi to him because maybe other girls are too intimidated by him too and all he wants is a girl to approach him first one day.” It’s not that hard at all to think positively  and stay that way. Just think of all of the good things that could come from meeting someone new.

  • Maybe this person’s favorite band has really good music that I will fall in love with.
  • Maybe this person has been looking for someone who has the guts to approach him first.
  • Maybe this person isn’t as superficial as they look.
  • Maybe this person is a lot kinder, sweeter, and laid-back than what their exterior shows.
  • Maybe this person could help me learn something new or show me something I’ve never seen before that could change my life in a positive way.
  • Maybe this person could actually be a connection into giving me my dream job.
  • Maybe this person just needs a friend.

Later Sweethearts,
Cilla

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