Left is Evil

I remember telling my professor in high school that I was left-handed and he looked at me right in the eye and said “Left is Evil.”

-__-

If you didn’t know about my first car accident I made a vlog over it. I was making a left turn when a truck hit me and turned my whole car around. Luckily I had an awesome car with a steel frame so I didn’t take too much damage physically, but there’s of course trauma that follows.

I would hate to be one of those girls that’s like “Ummm I don’t know if this happens to everyone else but…” it seems like they want to draw attention to themselves by trying to separate themselves with something basic that occurs often. I need to stop rambling.
I wanted to write this post because I am actually truly wondering how long it takes someone to get over the fear of having another car accident in the same way that it happened. It’s been almost a month since I had my accident, and my brother let me use his car…I still can’t make a left turn without the thoughts of something bad happening.Β  Tonight I came from a get together and I had to make a left turn. I made it perfectly but I had a lot of anxiety right after. Nothing went wrong. I just can’t shake the fact that something did go wrong before and could happen again easily. I don’t trust other drivers in the first place so how am I supposed to get over this fear easily when I had a horrible accident?

Even if there are no other cars on the road, if I have to make a left turn I have a horrible feeling go through my body and stay with me until 2 hours have past. Yeah it’s happened every time and I made sure to keep track of my anxiety.

This only happens when I make a left turn…accidents can happen in any form when driving, but I only get this feeling when a left turn comes up. I’ve had this thought that maybe it’s because I’m in my brother’s car (which is old) and I feel more pressure to not have an accident. I wonder if I’ll feel better in my own car…or maybe a lot worse since my car will be totally fixed and I have to keep it that way.

I’m an overly anxious person in the first place so I knew that I wouldn’t get over this trauma as easily as others. I just want to know how long someone without anxiety issues takes to get over their fear of having another accident. It’s not like I sit at home and dream of having another accident. I believe in the secret so I know better than to dwell on useless thoughts. It just never fails me to have a panic attack when I have to make a left turn.

I haven’t been driving for the past half an hour and I’m still shaking and feeling horrible. I feel like I was in an accident but I wasn’t.

This isn’t a post for people to give me advice like “Take deep breaths”, “Think positive”, “Don’t worry about it”, etc. This is just to get my anxiety out basically.

I need to learn how to not give so many fuqs about things that haven’t happened yet.

Later Sweethearts,
Cilla

P.S. I did “Gangnam Style” to shake off the feeling and it didn’t work 😦
KPOP WAE U FAIL ME!?

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