This may be more emotional than expected and TMI, but honestly what else am I? LOL
I tend to write down my good days, I try to find something in everyday life to be thankful for, and I often look back to those good memories when I’m having a shitty time (depression fairy visits me unexpectedly.) I had an unexpected good day today and I want to remember it.
I came a long way. I remember being young and thinking “If adults treat you and others like shit then why would you consciously choose to continue living?” I would always try to find reasons why people enjoyed life and even wrote a blog post on what motivates people to continue living. When I was younger I would constantly get bullied by my family mostly, but others outside the family would try to bully me too of course. I wouldn’t let the people that didn’t know me well get to me too much, although I have a terrible temper so I couldn’t avoid getting pissed off, but when your supposed support system is constantly trying to bring you down and make you feel worthless life gets really hard. Unnecessarily harder than it should be.
I think I found my safe space. Growing up my safe space would be my room. I would lock myself in my room for entire days (I went without eating because my depression was really intense when I was younger) and that continued into university since I shared a 4 bedroom apartment with strangers. When I got the offer to work in California with Amazon I thought that this was finally my chance to break away from what caused my depression the most: my family.
It turns out that Amazon is a shitty place to work and my depression didn’t go away. I was also in a long distance relationship that wasn’t strong so I had to deal with more unnecessary stuff. My first apartment and job in California wasn’t my safe space, and my family kept bugging me because they thought that I would come back from California in a year or less.
I moved closer to the bay area last December, acquired a new job, left the weak relationship earlier in the year, had a life changing solo travel trip, and became vegan. After some adjustment to these aspects of my life that fell into place I realized that what I’m living now is a healthy life. I’m eating well, I love going to work everyday, I only speak to those in my family that are supportive, I have hobbies, I get to hang out with wonderful people, I feel like I have even more control of my life, and I enjoy the little things in life that I missed out on because of all these unnecessary negative emotions that others gave to me.
To whoever is reading this: Thank you. I’m overly grateful to the point where it seems to lose it’s meaning, but I mean it every time I say or think “Thank you.”
Thanks to my friends that check up on me throughout the year just because they think I’m a cool person.
Thanks to my family members that are actually supportive.
Thanks to my coworkers who are some of the most open-minded people I’ve met in my life.
Thanks to everyone who genuinely wishes that I have a good day.
Thanks to everyone who tries to make my days better.
Thanks to everyone who cares/cared about me.
Thanks for helping this little weirdo realize that she can find a place in this world and experience genuine happiness more often.