2017 Review

Wow long time no blog! I’m still alive gdi. I’m not in my most optimal state currently and I feel like I can’t form complete sentences again, but here I am giving an effort. I really wanted to write about seeing HIM 3 times in LA before the year ended (I saw them in October) but I can’t bring myself to finish the post. Let’s see if I can finish this one.

I think this year was full of a lot of mental illness issues and being a stronger advocate for what I believe in.

The things that used to make me happy or motivate me have no meaning anymore. I’m trying daily to find reason behind actions, but I end up disassociating at the end of the day. I think this year was supposed to play out like this however. I could say that I’m like the woman in the Amelie movie who decided to get her sleep over with in the beginning of her life so she can have more energy later in life to do things and this was my year to do that, or I can say that I’ve hit rock bottom and I can’t go anywhere else but up. Even if up isn’t enticing or exciting at the moment. I can’t go sideways but soon I’ll start looking up. I’m still being melancholic but I know the moment will happen. It’s how I tend to live my life. Pretty stable throughout the year then I get this burst of excitement to travel or change something up drastically. I trust myself.

I attended many PRIDE celebrations, was very outspoken about my sexuality, committed FULLY to being vegan, and protested when I could. I’m glad that I’ve found a way to support causes I care about in a way that makes a difference. Just educating people randomly on what Asexuality, Demisexuality, or Greysexuality is or even shining light on some aspects of the horrors of the meat industry gave me reason at the beginning of the year. I still fight for these ethics and will continue to make those who identify with my morals proud.

Right now I’m sitting in my empty apartment typing this on December 28 in the morning. I’m moving to San Jose in a few weeks with roommates, so I won’t be as single living as I would like but it saves me a ton of money to room with others and the girls are nice professionals. I’m moving again because I got another job offer. My previous job showed its true colors a few months shy of a year and that’s all I’ll say about that place. I’ll just keep doing my best and try not to stress too much. I’ve accomplished more than almost anyone else in my family so far (save my grandpa on my dad’s side and an aunt), so my biggest and truest critic is me.

I’ll type out my goals for the new year at the end of this post as well, but let’s get onto the monthly photo recap!

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January

  • Moved from Manteca, CA to Fremont, CA.
  • Took a lot of time to meditate and explore spirituality. The above photo is from a park that I used to frequent on the weekends to give myself peace of mind.

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February

  • Learned how to do my taxes myself.
  • Also learned how to not take everything seriously.

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March

  • Birthday! Funny story: The cake above was sent to me at 8:30pm & because I’m paranoid I thought it was a bomb or something but then my mom calls me to say Happy Birthday & that she bought me a vegan cake from a bakery nearby LOL
  • HIM announced their breakup & I start planning for Tuska. March 5th, 2017
  • Became close friends with a dear friend from my shitty first big girl job.
  • Discovered one of my favorite podcasts 2 Dope Queens

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April

  • Got invisalign! Finally right? Here’s the link to my Orthodontist if you’re keen.
  • Found out I have an enlarged right atrium in my heart which is why I feel like I’m having a heart attack often. Coupled with my spine being twisted it’s hard to breathe on my left lung. I should probably be more proactive about this lol

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May

  • Got my 23&me test results back!
    • 55% – East Asian & Native American
      • 25.8% – Southeast Asian
      • 21.7% – Native American
    • 20.3% – Southern European
    • 11.6% – Sub-Saharan African
    • 6% – Unassigned
    • & some other fillers lol
  • Saw Sabaton in San Francisco with some Googlers & punched a guy for touching my butt
  • Momma came to visit! I bought her a vegan cake, cooked her vegan food at home, had her try Souley Vegan, took her all the way to Yosemite National Park, stopped by a random farm stand on our way back, took her all the way to Monterrey Bay, and of course a day in San Francisco where she rode the BART for the first time & we stumbled upon a Carnival celebration!

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June

  • Spoke on a Google Panel about Asexuality
  • Walked in the San Francisco PRIDE parade with the ACE contingent. Super fun as always!
  • WENT TO FINLAND!!!!

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July

  • Bro came to visit with his girlfriend so we spent the day in San Francisco
  • Had the most amazing and memorable time in Finland!
    • Met Ville Valo’s dad! He is the sweetest man alive!
    • Saw HIM at HAM (Helsinki Art Museum)
    • Went to the Moomin cafe & bought like every Moomin mug there!
    • Saw a ton of tourist attractions that were gorgeous!
    • Met so many friendly people!
    • Tuska was the BEST festival I’ve been to so far! Standing for 6 hours to see HIM play in their homeland was the best present I could ever give to myself!
    • I can rave about Finland all day so I’ll stop 😀
  • Spent a few hours in the absolutely beautiful city of Stockholm, Sweden! I definitely need to go back!
  • Spent a day in Estonia and visited the Depeche Mode Baar!

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August

  • Went through a tough time but made it through because of the support of my closest friends and trusted family members.
  • Started recording Spirit Detectives podcast & started the Spirit Detectives blog with my best friend in Tejas.
  • Started working at my current job.
  • Family in H-Town survived Hurricane Harvey
  • Started up an apron business, Sioux Aprons, with my mom.

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September

  • Saw Apocalyptica in Oakland!
  • Really delved into self care this month.
  • Volunteered at Oakland PRIDE at the Asexual booth

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October

  • Managed through a huge NorCal wildfire
  • Got an IUD because my BCP stopped working.
  • Went to LA to see HIM for the last time.
    • Made so much eye contact with Ville (he sung to me so many times! How could I be so lucky!?), Burton, & Linde!
    • Was in either the first or third row in GA PIT and first row in GA.
    • Amazing amazing amazing
  • Got my first tattoo!
  • Saw Yelle live for the first time finally!
  • Went to Disneyland & Universal Studios again 🙂
  • October was obviously a month where I got some energy (besides June/July)

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November

  • Saw Children of Bodom live for the first time! & was in 2nd row! They were perfect and amazing! The crowd was friendly and fun too 🙂
  • Started experimenting with Instagram: cilla44
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@ellenwilbergart

December

  • Moved to San Jose

 

2018 Goals

  1. Drink more water.
    1. You get dehydrated easily and drinking water allows you to take a moment to calm down during the day.
  2. Exercise 3 times a week.
    1. Your scoliosis + your period doesn’t always allow you to work out consistently, but let’s shoot for 3 times a week. Definitely once a week for your mental health.
  3. Live with no fear.
    1. You’re always prepared for every and any scenario and how many times do all of them come true? When it does come true it was insignificant in the larger picture right? So stop wasting your time being anxious about the million of outcomes that could occur and just live your life in the moment. You know, most of your awkward interactions with people is because you’re waiting for them to react so that you can make your next move. When things happen just take them as they come rather than creating a safety net for yourself that doesn’t help you in the long run.
  4. Keep learning.
    1. Stay humble. You’re a smart person and I know you hate wasting time, but read more. Even if you think you know what the article is trying to sell you, seek a news base with quality writing.
  5. Be patient & take your time.
    1. You’re always rushing to finish things. You consciously do this because you want to be efficient so that you have optimal down time. What you’re missing is the journey. Of course you could finish something quickly, but don’t get mad when people want to interact with you in the middle of getting it done. It’s not necessarily “life is about the journey not the end result” but you should find a balance otherwise you’ll go too fast, crash and burn.
    2. Also reflecting is important. You say this every year but TAKE YOUR TIME.

 

I’m actually finishing up this post just shy of 2 hours from New Years/midnight. I’m realizing that my life isn’t ordinary. I’m a single girl that’s traveled abroad alone, traveled to another country for a metal festival, works in tech, is asexual, intelligent, vegan, and doesn’t take crap from anyone. I’m not meant to live a normal life of find a man, marry young, have kids, buy a house, and settle down. I’m mobile and I love it. I move often but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Everything that life has given me so far has strengthened me and allowed me to trust myself from different angles. I’m open to new experiences and new environments. I don’t know if I could survive normalcy, and I don’t want to try. I would rather save up money to have lasting experiences that not everyone can afford than go out every weekend and blow my check. I’d rather throw glitter or clay molded into tiny fruit on my face than be too afraid not to. I’d rather believe in the welfare of others that don’t speak the same language as me or have a voice in the first place and fight for their freedom as much as I can. My ancestors accomplished a lot and I want to make them proud for however long I’m here on this Earth.

Later Sweethearts,
Cilla

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