This blog has been on hiatus for a very long time, but I still have people reaching out to me to blog more. So here’s my feeble attempt at starting to blog every weekend.
FYI I was supposed to post this an hour ago but I just started writing it now because I’m lazy? idk man let’s get started.
So my first actual boyfriend
was a white boy. Surprise surprise.
This relationship lasted a total of 2 years and was sweet for the most part. He moved to my tiny hometown from another tiny hometown when I was a sophomore (I think lol) & we hung around each other because that’s what punks do lolol
He was like 1 or 2 years older than me (wow I have a shit memory) & we messaged each other constantly after school & on the weekends on AOL messenger. Yeah internet I wasn’t born yesterday. We texted so much that I remember texting him in the shower on my Nokia 3110. He probably asked me to be his girlfriend over text too which is so millennial so I’m not even mad about it. 🤷🏾♀️
This was a pretty lukewarm relationship since it was my first & at that point in my life I still thought boys were smelly & useless, but I was attracted to this one because he exuded more feminine traits than the other monsters around me.
I do remember breaking up with him after a year and it was because I had a crush on another boy going on for like 5 years at that time. I’ll talk about that boy next, but let me tell you some bullshit that happened with this one before I let him go.
I broke up with this guy because I lost interest after a year basically. Then ALL of my close friends aka my “Black Squad” (we called ourselves that because we were emo & wore black clothes a lot) [see photo below] got mad/disappointed in me & stopped talking to me. All these bitches gave me the cold shoulder over someone they met a year ago vs knowing me for like 3 years wtf. I had no idea why they were so cold to me until I asked one of my closer friends in the circle that I still trust to this day why everyone was ignoring me & she told me that it’s because I was too coldhearted to him aka because I broke up with a boy they liked 🙄
Queue: Women not supporting women & their personal decisions
I don’t delve into drama ever so I just tried to be friends with him but he was weird about it and didn’t want to talk to me unless I was his girlfriend 🙄
Queue: Trash men
So maybe 2 months after we broke up this boy had the audacity to ask me to stand in the middle of the cafeteria in front of the whole school in the middle of lunch when EVERYONE was there to ask me to be his girlfriend again & I REALLY wanted to say no, but literally the ENTIRE school was looking at us & I had to say yes & it was terrible. My friends didn’t even check in on me to ask if I wanted to go out with him again or not & were just super happy that I said yes. I mean if I would have said no I probably wouldn’t have these shitty friends at the time which wasn’t a huge deal a year later because we fell apart anyways.
So I dated him for another year then broke up with him because I had zero interest.
Queue: Trash men & trash friends.
5 YEAR CRUSH
& now we talk about my 5 year crush. This guy was a year older than me, had dirty blonde curly hair, a cute button nose, the most bright blue eyes, & was short but I didn’t notice because I thought he was hot lol.
I want to make this clear that I had a huge aesthetic attraction to him. I never wanted to have sex with him.
We would shoot glances at each other in the hallway & stare at each other during lunch for a while then I had his brother in an Art class. His brother was super extroverted nice so I asked him for his brother’s number & the craziest thing happened.
I texted this boy I had a crush on for years & we literally texted each other EVERY DAY for 3 years. He lived right down my street but we never met up but we would talk on the phone for hours & text everyday.
This was a cute non-relationship (also maybe a clue into why I lean more towards being lithoromantic?) that I’m pretty satisfied with. I broke up with the guy above because I thought I was ready to start dating this crush, but then one day he texted me that he wanted to have sex (after 3 years of texting cute shit this threw me through a loop) and I stopped talking to him lol
Queue: Greysexual since high school 😎
My mom wouldn’t be proud of me if I didn’t mention my lesbian best friend so here we go.
This girl was my best friend from late junior high to early high school. I didn’t have any attractions to anyone at that time (except for Prince cause Prince duh) & she wasn’t my first best friend. She was my best friend as I was going through a lot of depression because she was also going through a lot of depression & rejection within her family. I always thought the rejection was because, like me, she acted more like a boy than a girl & also she was the youngest out of like 5 girls or something & girls are mean. Easy prey essentially.
My mom kept telling me that she was lesbian but I didn’t care because I was pretty indifferent to romantic relationships in general. Note: This friendship began before my first boyfriend. I’m also a really open person. You can like & do whatever the hell you wanna do as long as it’s not hurting someone else.
I didn’t realize that she was attracted to me until we were talking about me dating my first boyfriend. OMG I JUST FUCKING REMEMBERED THAT HE GAVE ME FURRY PINK & BLACK HANDCUFFS AS A VALENTINE’S (?) DAY PRESENT BEFORE WE STARTED DATING what in the actual fuck younger Priscilla HOW HIGH WAS MY STANDARDS BAR TO THE FUCKING FLOOR IN THE BASEMENT WHERE!?
Anyways, we were on the floor of my room having a sleepover & he was on the phone while we were looking at the handcuffs. After we spoke to him, oh wait he had asked me out but I was like “ummmmm idk” (cause I only experienced aesthetic attraction until that point in my life) so he was asking for my answer lololol so dramatic. When we hung up she asked me “Why do you like him?” then I was like “idk” & she got mad at me. She just kept asking me why do I need a boyfriend & I was like he’s cute & nice & I don’t need a boyfriend but I wouldn’t mind. I’m pretty sure we ended that sleepover with her being mad at me.
That’s when I realized that she was romantically attracted to me, but she eventually told me that she liked me. I forgot exactly how or when she told me, but I calmly told her thank you & that I respect her as a person but I didn’t feel the same way.
Then came the tornado of fuckery.
I tried to be best friends with her still & didn’t treat her any different, but she was so angry at me for not reciprocating her feelings. She started ignoring me & talking shit about me to people that she normally wouldn’t talk to just to retaliate. She would literally tell the most popular kids in our class that I caused her depression & that I did some really horrible things to her that I would never do. Eventually most of the “Black Squad” hopped on her bandwagon because some were jealous of me (I mean I was beautiful, one of the top in my class, played piano, was teaching myself Korean, etc.) so I was left with few friends. But I was glad this happened. The friends that I made after the black squad phase were some of the smartest people in class & I’m still friends with them to this day.
I mean if having your lesbian ex-best friend talk shit about you causes you to find your true friends I’d say the whole experience was worth it lol
Life is weird.
SHOULD I EVEN CONSIDER THIS A RELATIONSHIP
I dated another white dude with red hair for a week but he was super boring & timid so I broke up with him lol
I also dated a really handsome Mexican quarterback for like 3 months. We kept this low-key because he was going to move to college soon after we started hanging out with each other. This was a really cute relationship 😊
& that’s it!
I think overall these were pretty good experiences.
My next post is going to be about some of my college relationships ooooooh
Oh also these posts will eventually lead up to my most recent relationship last year & I hope to post it on Valentine’s day.